If you’re looking for jokes that hit harder than your ex’s questionable life choices, you’ve come to the right place. These 100 one-liners are guaranteed to be funnier, sharper, and way less dramatic than your last relationship. Whether you need a quick laugh or the perfect comeback, these gems will do the trick.
Why These One-Liners Are Funnier Than Your Ex
Your ex probably thought they were hilarious—until they weren’t. But these 100 one-liners? They’re actually funny. No emotional baggage, no cryptic texts, just pure, unfiltered humor. From sarcastic quips to witty observations, these jokes are the upgrade you deserve.
A Collection of Jokes That Won’t Ghost You
- “I told my plants a joke—now they’re rooted in laughter.”
- “My WiFi is like my ex—unreliable and always disconnecting when I need it most.”
- “I’m on a seafood diet—I see food, and I eat it… just like my ex saw my heart and crushed it.”
- “I don’t hold grudges; my ex does—in a Google Doc titled ‘Reasons I’m Right.’”
- “I’d tell you a construction joke, but I’m still working on it… unlike my ex, who never worked on anything.”
- “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field—unlike my ex,
who was just out.” - “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity—it’s impossible to put down, just like my ex’s obsession with themselves.”
- “I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough… unlike my ex, who made a whole bakery out of my patience.”
- “Parallel lines have so much in common—it’s sad they’ll never meet… just like me and my ex’s maturity levels.”
- “I told my ex I was writing jokes about them—they said, ‘Make me the villain.’ As if they needed help.”
- “I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode… unlike my ex, who was always draining mine.”
- “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts… unlike my ex, who had the audacity.”
- “I’m friends with my ex’s new partner—we bond over mutual disappointment.”
- “I don’t need therapy; I just need people to stop asking why I need therapy.”
- “My ex’s new relationship is like a WiFi signal—weak and full of interruptions.”
- “I don’t make mistakes—I create unexpected learning experiences… like dating my ex.”
- “I’d explain my humor to you, but my ex already took all my patience.”
- “I’m not saying my ex was toxic, but even my houseplants died from the secondhand drama.”
- “My ex’s love was like a software update—promised improvements, just more bugs.”
- “I ghosted my gym—now it’s the only thing that texts me ‘We miss you!’”
Need More Laughs?
If these 100 one-liners weren’t enough to outshine your ex’s comedic attempts (or lack thereof), stay tuned for more. Because unlike some people, we actually deliver.
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